The path

I have walked th path of righteousness
I tread th path of evil
I had a spark once, grew into a blazing fire
Before th cold hail n storm of betrayal doused it
Now i wander through th valley of th shadow of death
I don need salvation, i dont want a guide
The light blinds n confuses me
Th darkness, oh th darkness
Snuggles me in th cool embrace of its naked bossom
Calling out to me, singing 2my soul
I want you, nobody can hurt u now
U r in control now
Darkness, her soft breath on my cheek
Her kiss against my cold lips
A stirring inside of undefined proportions
Her nails digging into my neck, her teeth my shoulders, drawing blood
An inferno, everything tinted in crimson
A desire 2satisfy n worship her

Fudge

Ges this note is kinda a landmark cz its th first i’m nt typin on my 5200…gona mis it..*sob sob!*…
I dunno if i got any words left in me. Ya i havent given myself th time to mope n brood…just stuck on that precipice nt knowing if i can keep myself frm going down.
How dyu handle hurt inflicted by th one person who had th ability to? Ignore them? Guilt em? Hate em? Tell em 2go fuck themselves? Screw up their lives?
I ges i’m beyond tantrums. Maybe its realizing more self control. Maybe its coz i realized i’m too young 2 go thru some shit n let it destroy me. Its a big world, its got an immense number oysters just waitin 2b pryed open, neva knowin wen u r gonna hit th mother pearl which is gonna make it all make sense. Th centerpiece that makes all th other pearls blush with its size, beauty n pricelessness.
At this point, debating whether 2continue wit th metaphors….
Anyhoo… Sometimes we get ourselves into th mud n dirt just 2ride th momentum. It doesnt matter whether u went in for fun or out of curiosity. After all th tussle it don mean jack why u went in. Just dont expect 2come out wit clean cuffs. Sometimes in life as is u gotta shake th hand that feeds u!
Mayb after all this, it will b possible 2shrug off all th dust n go back 2what it was…alot can happen wen we defy logic n break boundaries…

this note is way shorter(n nt that interestin) cz i’m a person under fire…plus i havent swam in weeks! My aphrodisiac!
~N thus ends th first task i’v given this sweet 5310…nt bad eh?~

Monkey on my back – sequel

Its this monkey on my back
Came back 2haunt me
Why cant i get rid of u?

Its this monkey on my back
Reaching into my mind
Corrupting my mind
That safe i hold so dear

Its this monkey on my back
Suckin at my soul
Leaving me lifeless and empty
A shell of pity and self loathing

Its this monkey on my back
Snatching my smile, killing my laughter
Echoin hollowly, my new façade

This monkey on my back
Eating me, killing me
Degrading my essence, fornicating my sanctity

This monkey
Has me on my knees
Soaked in my filth, blood, sweat n tears
Yet its not enough is it?
Engorging on my pain n anguish
Are u sated? Will u ever be satisfied?

This!
I let u in, u betrayed me, used me
Desecrated my body mind n soul
Defenetrated in my own house
Leaving me nothing!
I will take u out
This monkey on my back!

Garbage in, garbage out

Its amazing how sbody can control ua life weeks, months, even yrs after u called it quits. Whats even more messed up is that they r of no consequence n rily don mean jack 2 u anymore. Its worse when a simple fling that rily wsnt sposd 2mean anything influences all future possibilities of gettin in2 a decent rlship.
I’v tried 2 absolve myself of any of th shit that went down bt i ges i’m doin poorly at convincing myself. Ignored warnings by buddies….bt stubborness is one of my curses. Plus sh ws hot(at th time, nw sh’s jst beatdown n desperate).
Ok, here’s th deal, its ok 2play mind games. Hell, i do it all th time. Askin for favors is also ok, i’l do whatever is within my capability 2fulfil. Tryn 2mk me feel jelous, also ok bt within certain boundaries. Manipulation, if u cn manage it on me, wud actually awe me.
Here’s th no no…never ever ever everr lie 2 a guy dat u r pregnant, 2mk him commit or “bond” wit u. First its tacky, n its stupid, naïve, retarded n other colorful words censored. U c 4some of us we tk th news calmly n coz our religion forbids abortion, in our minds we r lukn 4other amiable solutions dat will b of benefit 2u me n th new one.
When u reveal u wa actually lyin 2test me n c ow i’d react th following happens:
I dont gv a shit dat i passed
It’s over!
I hate n loathe u
I hope 4ua sake thea aint no photos of u in my camera
All instances of ua name in my head get replaced wit “bitch” or any of a random array of names denoting one who is paid for coitus.
Btw almost all guys react th same way to that. It affects all future rlshps cz its usually hard keepin frm brandin all chix in one pot. Only redeeming factor wud b past rlshps ended well or havin knwn u 4a considerable time. Anyhoo, been almost a yr nw…n hate has turnd 2pity 4a poor bitch who stoopd rily low. Mayb now i’l b able 2move on nt fearing sbody will try 2pull a stupid stunt of similar gravity….closure at last!
*****
Contrary 2popular belief, i dnt hv her nude fotos n i dont tk nude fotos of anybody includin me. I knw ow digital devices work n how recovery of deleted data is done. Siwezi risk!
Nwy th fotos i found in th mem card…gone! N even if i had them i wouldnt knw ow 2distribute cz people wud knw th source. Plus websites hv a feature called Who’s Who which identifies th registered domain owner, incase u wana sue sbody….unless ua server is located in sweden! Bet ya’al didnt knw that!
Bottom line, i’m nt affiliated to Caroline njoki in any way. I first saw dat profile juzi via a frnd. Simjui n i aint gon answer dat qn again, k? Ya’al knw me better than that! Case closed.
******
I knw some people get all jittery, holier than thou or uncomfy wen porn is mentioned…bt b4 u write off porn, check out Shai Clothing ads th girl-on-girl sequence. Mind blowing!
B4 u judge me, i only watch cz of th storyline…nothing else…*ahem!*

Paper paper, who’s got th paper

Now 4my awesome original biz idea!
I’m going into th condom manufacturing bizniz. My biz partners will b th G-10 bitches! Dont worry, i got it all planned out! Th brand-name, advertising, legal issues, market target group, bizniz plan n ethical issues!
First dealing wit d smarty pants who think they cn punch holes in my ideas. Real simple actually, kitambo my biz kicks up n meks enaf paper 2hire a hitman or cut brake lines, i’l settle wit stickn fingers snugly in2 my ears n mumbling rily loudly…foolproof!
Now 4my biz partners…th G-10. I realized partnering wit em is rily strategical. Consider my angle, when they bring about a boycot wk, frm my observation people rily gt laid. N 2prevent a baby boom wot do they use? Yep, my product!…..hmm… note 2self, get morning after pills into my franchise also…
Heres why, when Kenyans r told nt 2fuck, they prove defiant n screw mo than ever in larger numbers. I even got th chillin ones in2 th equation. Cz wen u refuse 2drop em pants 4ua horny partner, they luk 4it elsewhea bt in order 2b careful wot do they use? U got it again. (hmmm…note 2self…get in2 talks wit jimmy gathu…reverse th mpango wa kando ads)
Anyhoo, th condom biz got ethical issues, bt i got an idea dat wud kill not 1, not 2 but 3 birds wit one stone!!! In treacle aint it? Yaani branding, ethical issues n advertising all rolled up into 1! Now get ready 4this…….r u wit me….simplicity n genius….my brand will b called…*drumrolls…held breath*……ABSTINENCE condoms!!
Yeah yeah, oxymoron some will think…i say…go fuck uaselves!
So how will it tk care of ethical issues n advertising? Dats a no brainer actually… Thea will obviously b an uproar when a new condom brand is introducd in2 th market. The churches will b up in arms esp th catholic church. They will say we r advocating 4 irresponsible sexual acts blah blah blah… n actually state that the only way they approve of as th best way 2reduce stds n teen pregnancy is what? ABSTINENCE! Cha ching!!! Free media coverage, free advertising, free endorsement! Money in th bank! We cud even put a disclaimer at th bottom of th box “recommended by th catholic church” n nobody cud sue me! I’d jst bring a newspaper as evidence….
Also wen th catholic church realizes they r losin d abstaining war, they cud avoid th embarrasin whiplash by claimin they were actually referin 2 my condoms!
time 2bow down 2my genius! Told ya 3birds, one stoone!
Oops…sori 4my insensitivity, incase u a guy swhea n by a stroke of bad luck lost a testicle…note i said stone not ball! U must b nuts…sori… u must b nut 2 xpect an apology!
Oh, n also if u catholic n got offended by wot i’v said…..go fuck uaself!(use my brand condoms….). N if u actually report me 2my parish priest n i get excommunicated…read th disclaimer!
Hmmm…note 2self, in order 2 target th 9yr-18yr olds, start a line of small size condoms under th followin brand names, CHILL, NIMECHILL, TUTACHILL…On th packaging use an image of a fist wit two fingers crossd…mk use of alot of yellow n orange on th packaging…advertising is already taken care of, by media, newspapers n popular tv programs lk Churchill live….

Disclaimer: steal my ideas n so help me, i’l hunt u down lk th little piece of shit u r, n i’l torture u….n u’ll b so busy screaming u wont notice i killed u already!
theas a small part of th biz plan i had 2leave out cz it ws mean n rily rily evil…bt workable…i’d tell u, bt then i’d b forcd 2 implement th disclaimer…

Random intermissions: Church

Wea 2start, wea 2start….oh, yeah… I finally managed 2go 2 church 2times this/last month! Gud tidings i say. Bt i ges it wud hv meant sth if i actually listened 2 th priest. i ges i’m lk d worst catholic ever…why?
Last time in confession 2003
Last time i actually genuflected, 2003
Last time as an altar boy 1999 wen i ws jst a kid he he…n no, neva sat on a priest’s lap!
Last time i read th scripture in church, 2003
Last time i took communion, Jan 2004
Most last things i actually did r in 2003 cz dats wen i left seminary. Mayb a rational explanation is that i believe i accumulated enaf prayer pts 2 last me a couple of years.

Anyhoo sunday i went 2church n as th priest ws blabberin incoherent words i scanned th crowd 4familiar faces. None. Thing bout our church is dat most people knw me bt siwamesei poa. Mostly cz of family n wen we moved hia i kinda kickd ass educationally. Th priests knw me cz of th seminary connection…n th fact dat one requirement 2stay in seminary ws u had 2do volunteer work @ th church, which i adamantly refused 2do, cz of 2reasons:
1. I didnt gv a shit…esp cz d stupid priest wntd me 2work on his garden! Wots th deal wit white guys n gardening?
2. U cnt refer 2 it as volunteering if i don hv a say in th matter…didnt knw ow 2put th dictionary thru their thick skulls!

Long story short i refused 2 volunteer. So th Father tried 2 gt me kickd out of seminary…bt a couple of factors saved my ass:
1. After th volunteer work thea ws a form they wrote comments on behaviour, character n bull lk dat. Thing is we delivered them in person. Here’s a trick most of ya’al don knw, if u hold a sealed envelope over alot of steam, it peels open as if it ws neva sealed, so u cn do whatever u want wit th contents, edit, white wash, throw away,rewrite a gud report…so th bad rap neva fikad. Am i gud or what?

Th priest also used normal snail mail 2 send th bad reports…..here my grades came in. U just don kick out sbody wit an IQ of 125+ cz of stupid reasons! Plus back then i lukd rily rily innocent, unlike now. Nobody wud hv suspected dat i dit anything bad, we got drunk, brewed, went swimmin…plus a couple other nasty stuff. Did i mention porn? Kazi ya JJ…

Where was i? Train of thot rily got derailed. Nwy i don socialize so much at our church. I’m still catholic, bt th abstinence thing doesnt rily go down well. Plus i got my reservations wen it kams 2 abortion n other subjects, which might gt me excommunicated!
Again, so i scanned arnd 4familiar faces n wen dat failed 2return favourable results, i scanned booty or sth out 2catch a cold.
Th only favourable result ws this chix who seems 2b everywhere i go. Wen i chuck frm our gate, who do i bump into? Her!
I use a crazy combination of alleyways 2avoip peeps i don wana gas wit n who do i bump into?
I go 2church n who do i c first thing wen i enter? I’ve seen her more in 2days than….jijazie.
I knw sh cnt b stalkin cz i’m nt @home dat much, plus nobody knows my routine, hell, even i don knw my routine!
Nwy sh wnts us 2b an item or sth lk that…bt i got this rule regardin chix frm our hood…no fuckin way! n th double entrendre is intended!
It all started wen i ws 17…this chix ws always hitn on me beggin me 2go help her “put up posters” in her room(n girls say our lines r lame). Wen i chickend, sh got mo aggressive n threatening…an action most of my frnds knw puts me in th fuck-off-b4-i-tear-u-a-new-one mode. So i tell her 2fuck off.
A month later, ges who turns out pregnant wit a poor sucker “baby daddy” at her arm! Th kid died a few yrs later…bt i didnt gv a shit. I don sympathise wit bitches, no matter th circumstance. S long as i avoided dat trap kul. Wen th incident repeated wit 2other random chix, it bcame a hell no. Kwanza th last one ws rily hot, bt my buddy cautioned me bout easy things!
Plus now gut instict is my bestest friend. If it tells me it cn handle 15shots of hard liquor, i gv it.
Poor bastards, i thnk nxt time i drnk i’l offer libation 2our horny fallen comrades. May Dna testing bcome unaffordable 2spare u th horrid truth. Amen!
Nwy this note has really lost me…cnt even remember wot i wntd 2write bout…plus i got this poundin headache dat diorients me. Its lk wen i chew cz of drinkin, all i remember is th last thing i did b4 th drink kickd in…n th pukin after th liver cleans it out!
Soo, i ges thats that!
Oh, n ya, my notes gv u insight in2 one way of how i thnk bt unless u knw me, all u got is data not info.

Twisted love

Fate pushd us 2getha
2random particles in th cosmo
Coulda been anyone, bt it wsnt
It brought me u

Best friends, biggest lv
Lv u 4 who u r
Alwez thea 4me
Alwez thea 4me?

U took my hand, saved me frm th jagged rocks below
We took a stroll, hand in hand
4once th grass is greener, on our side
4once th hate aint flowin, spreadin venom n vengeance
All u my dear

Nurtured it, th next eutopia
Birds singin, golden sun in th horizon
Smilin at us, an image of perfection

Gravel slips arnd my feet,th ocean kisses th rocks below
when did we come back here, 2th edge?
I’m confused, y u doin this
Y u pushn me, at least tell me
so that if i’m wrong, i’ll jump
Take a look at that sign post, “u r leavin eutopia, come again soon”
I may nt b all that, bt r u goin 2b hapi walkn it alone
Or wit another, memories hangin in ua concience
U can replace, neva replicate

I look deep in ua eyes, 4a sign, 4once i cnt read anything
Cnt hate u, neva will
Luk in my eyes, see it?
Always truthful, always lovin, neva irrational

Push me, i will jump
Mayb i cn dive, mayb i’l live
Bt wot if u change ua mind, wot if i’m too far 2hear?
Wot if i hear, bt th pain is too much
wot if i hear, bt th current is too strong
wot if i hear, bt she’s pullin me wit a lifesaver, wen u pushd me?

Dearest u r 2my heart, I gave u it
i’v learnt 2crawl, i learnt 2 walk
I didnt want this one, bt i can learn…to walk away!

Farting Guide

The art of farting is practiced by many, perfected by few. Perfecting the art of farting is a somewhat long, difficult but rewarding road to travel down. It is the symphony of foods and body function that causes this reaction we all long to occur. This guide teaches you the methods and mind set used by some of the worlds leading fartology organizations.

1. Your mood will play a major role in farting. Having an “I can’t do it!” frame of mind will not accomplish anything. When it comes down to those final moments when its release or hold time, you just have to repeat again and again, “Just let it happen… its ok…”

2. Diet is another heavy influencer. If you’re a grazer (or vegetarian as they preferred to be called) you’re partly on your way. If you’re older and are using shit assistance substances such as fried beans, you too have a good start. The real winners are your average Kenyan men. Statistically Saturday is prime time nation wide for fart releases. Not only fart releases, but the cream of the crop, wake up the neighbours farts. Why is this? Have a look at the diet of a typical Kenyan male aged between 20 and 30 watching football on TV… Peanuts, chips, beer, can someone say, fart city? Its about evaluating your diet, removing the foods that don’t assist farting, and focusing on the ones that do.

3. Important, yet largely unexplored scientifically is the fart event position and location. These two variables can make or break a fart taking it from a stellar world class event, down to an unmentionable discouragement. Try telling a world class pianist that they must perform standing, or telling a tuba player he must lay down during their performance. Farting is no different, it requires positioning that best maximizes the bodies ability to expel gas. Location of the fart event sets the scene and adds emotions such as amusement (elevator farts), excitement (bus farts) and challenge (church farts). Lets travel forth and delve into the world of position and location…

*

Leg Lift “Elevator” Position
Standing upright with a slight curve to the back, lift either leg (almost like doing the jig, except with your leg off to the side – never to the front) and allow the fart event to occur. This one is by far the most popular. Ranked best position for elevator farts for its ability to expel farts quickly and accurately between floors. The signature of a leg lifter in an elevator is the smile of glee on their face as they exit, as you unknowingly enter.

Pros: Amusement of only being able to guess how many floors the unknowing new occupants must endure. High buildings that you will most likely not visit again are a bonus.

Cons: After a successful execution of the fart, you leave the elevator and the unknowing others enter, which is fine. However, you realize you are on the wrong floor and must re-enter the same elevator. Truly a bad call.

*

“Imperial” Throne Position
Just a reminder that your mind associates this position with a lack of bodily control. This one involves sitting, squatting or bending down into a huddled position. Some of the worlds most fermented and catastrophic farts were achieved using this very position. Think of it as a game of leap frog, but without the leaping (or at least voluntarily).

Pros: Incredible leverage, captures the true potential of the fart.

Cons: Similar to when taking a shit, which could confuse mind and cause “dyer” consequences. This one in the car in a new suit on route to a job interview is not recommended.

*

Naku-Matt Fart Position
There have been so many reports of this position and its success of creating “brown air” that have won it accolades world wide. Shop as you normally would at Naku-Matt. Locate a desired purchase (at least the weight of say, a clothes detergent box) at the bottom shelf in an unoccupied isle. As you are lifting the heavy load in a squatting position, let the magic happen. You will be pleasantly surprised. At first you may point out the similarities to the throne position, but you will be in awe by what the additional weight load achieves. Weight lifters doing squats after a heavy meal know how well weight can affect fartage potency and volume.

Pros: Due to the narrow, almost encapsulating design of the isles, farts can remain lingering for hours after initial production. Many more people can enjoy their shopping due to your efforts versus the leg lift position.

Cons: Eager and usually frantic discount shoppers change isles with a furor only matched by rush hour shoppers at a supermarket blow out sale. This can result in a by standard surprise attack and the very terrible mission abort consequence.

*

Power Arching
Lean your hands onto a counter top or table (or if available, hang onto your towel rack) while arching your back. If this is difficult for you to visualize, think back to your last visit to the mechanic’s. Similar to the “ass pounding” position you take when getting the quote to have your car’s axle replaced. Power arching is excellent for “customer service” counters at most stores, or safaricom offices; local computer stores when reaching over and examining an expensive and ridiculous keychain that has a flashlight, time telling in 12 languages, compass and calculator all in one; a supermarket you do not usually visit.

Pros: The arching of the back allows your power conduit to be fully utilized. Less conspicuous than the Throne Position.

Cons: A warning to people with small houses or apartments: power arching in the small confines of a room in your house has been known to cause carpet, wall and even ceiling damage. Even more so, lasting damage to newly blossoming relationships with girlfriends and not so blossoming marriages.

All positions and locations have their pros and cons, it is the duty of an aspiring fart master to leverage the situations and environments available to him or her. With a bit of thoughtful planning you can start off the day with some power arching in the library; do a bit of leg lifting at the food court for lunch; and wind up the day with an all out assault on your senses with a satisfying throne position fart in the car on the way home. Remember, its all about position, location and a “can-do” attitude!

eX marks the spot

What do i talk bout leo? except for the part dat i’m bored 2death…n feel lk blowin my brains all over the floor! When th fuck is that bitch gon recall we finish off wit th damned 8-freakin 4 4 system?

So i hate on sbody? nah the bitches i usually hate on hv tuliad hadi i’m wondering whats up? I finally made peace wit th biyatch we workd wit…worked out a nice compromise…i dont see her stupid mug for four wks n we get along nicely. Thanks 2her i aint vulnerable 2 hot chicks…2 yrs ago she’d ave md me sing! walala! Now even if sh did sth lk flashing dat suweet smile of hers n flashed me her boobs, the worst dat wud happen wud b mo friction 4my right hand!

Anyhoo, wit all this time n insomnia, i got th time to wonder bout serious things n philosophize a bit. Rait now i’m working on a theory that might change the way we think, sth that will mek Aristotle look lk a pussy. Its still in the early stages, so early i’m also tryin 2think wot it is. Problem is speed metal never really gives anyone thinking space. Th music is awesome n shit bt it rily takes a while 2 hear th words!

Wow! Misd call…th ex! Nah nt th ex i hate sooo much. I hear that one alichapa mbaya, n reverted 2 her true shagmondo self! Which means she aint got enaf credo 2bother me. Yeeeah! A toast to karma! I knw i don believe in u bt stimes…jst stimes i see traces of ua bitchy self!
Wea ws i? Oh yeah, my swt ex….still claims 2lv me even after bein apart 4 lyk 2yrs…seriously, wot do ya’al c in me. I’m lk th most normal person on this earth, n its nt lk i got a halo arnd my head n some stubby wings stickin out my back. In fact i cn swear that durin one of th rare moments i stare @ th mirror i saw a glimpse of 2small horns on my forehead! Bt i ges twas nathn.
Damnit, got derailed again! Anyway, i ges i owe her alot considerin…blah blah blah. But she’s special n i’d huk her 2one of my buddies if i didnt knw d fact dat she’d chew em n spit em lk yesterdays trash.I’m also sure she’d kill me if sh got wind of some of the skeletons in my closet. I jst wish thea ws a way of burning down th closet bila takin down the whole house. Mayb sth lk industrial acid n a big bathtub!
Anyway we usually plan lunch dates, which i neva honor, cz i knw its jus gon lead 2 bad news. By now i can count about 10 times i’ve stood her up startin wit new years, which is fucked up…n really, i reach into that little boy i knw still lives within th bottom of my heart looking for that sense of guilt…bt he tell me my guilt conscience quota hasnt been refilled yet. Talk of services made in kenya!
So now comes the big question! Accept n add her 2my friends list or not! Lemme ask that little boy again…..
Seriously, that kid got no kind of useful advice, ges i shud kick dat scrawny butt outta here…mayb he’d b mo useful helpin some stupid slumdog millionaire. Who will then get killed reaally early in the movie…muwahaha! Probably jumps into a pool of shit in the latrine n drowns! Muwahaha!

Anyway our history is we met wen i ws fresh out of seco wit all my innocence intact. The music ws playin slowly in the background then i saw her across the room. For a second my heart stopped. Then she turned…and our eyes locked for a brief instant. The music faded into the background…everyone faded into the background n it was just me n her….I walked over to her n took her hand…she breathed slowly, her cheeks flushed, all four of them! And then……

So that ws a paragraph dedicated to total bullshit! True story is thea ws a hot chick, a rich boyfie, two guys out for no good n 1 bet valid for 2wks. So its actually a tale of boys spot incredibly hot girl wit loaded bf. boy1 tells boy2 huwesmek. boy2 tks on challenge in form of bet. 2wks later incredibly hot girl likes boy2. 4mnths later sh lvs him. boy2 still receivin threatening fon calls frm bf, nw refered2 as x! So thats basically th gist of the story. So 4th einsteins who figure out the skeletons, this note wont b availlable for reference cz it wil b deleted as soon as girl joins frnd list of now-reformed-boy2.

Did i mention leo is a two for one special? Ya wit the first note u read thea ws a second one absolutely free….feel free to rot ua mind wit my crap! Now am sleepy….gnite world…its that ungodly hour again wea my notes kam to life!

The 3 Ghosts of Easter

So now i knw wot scrooge felt havin been visited by th 3xmas ghosts.
I spent most of my pre easter mekn fun of Jesus, with th stories of drinkin his blood n getn high alafu askin for “mo blood!”
Didnt stop thea nope, had 2do a “take this egg n fryit…do this in memory of me” last supper joke. Problem ws i rily pushd it wit th king james n “Jihad for dummies” remix book, which talkd of Judas n th seven virgins…
I ges i kinda pisd off sbody cz i got visited, nah nt scrooge style but in a dream…wooooo! Dream kinda starts ok wit me n her. Lots of booze, free buffet wit lots of chicken. Ges i should noticd sth wasnt rite wen i got servd a small piece of meat suspended in water, ati soup! I’m assuming its an imagery of some sort, or suppresd memory.
Th real kick in th as shud a bin wen somehow i go frm club 2 class in a seamless transition dat ws ‘normal’. But all my frnds were thea n thea ws gud ol girl on girl action, cz somehow thea ws a bed in class! N all 3of em wea all out getn down!
Lk all dreams go, instead of getn a seat, popcorn, n hopes f getn in on th action, i start mekn my way 2th back f th class n sit. Only 2luk out th window n i’m on a bus! The guy seated nxt 2me is this dude we usd 2 terrorise bak in seco! N he luks lk he’s out 2 revenge. I say hi, th bus stops nikashuka.
So i’m lukn 4a jav 2get home. Theas dat 6oclock mass of people bt i get an almost empty one.
Here’s where it gets weird…as if th rest was normal!…..i’m on this really cool black motorbike wit 8inch wide tyres…ok it ws batman’s motorbike! N i’m goin 2th bat cave. So i’m gesn i am batman. Trouble comes wen theas a police rd block alafu they allow me 2pass…bt i run out f petrol.
Shit is i’m in a forest now nt th deep dark amazon one, jst normal kenyan damaged goods wit decent amount of light. So i c a couple of guys runnin in2 d bush carryin tvs microwaves n shit. I don go thea cz i knw they b muggers. I tk th other path n follow some guys. By now my bike is a saloon n i don knw whose it is.
A lion appears infront of me. I wana stay still bt i jump on a tree n start climbing, only i dont knw how. Miraculously it passes by n th cops manning th rd block chase it comrade style, wit stones. I join em cz they luk done 4th day. As we r walkin down th rd they turn in2 seco kids comin frm skul. So i turn to a dirt path i knw will tk me home or 2th batcave…still in th forest. I did some dumb things which i’m nt bout 2describe. Then i see a town frm th distance, alafu sth bad hapnd, i dunno wot bt it woke me up sweating!