Atheist or Believer (2)

I really lack the words to define how bored i am! Its been weeks since i did anything fun.
Apart from the feeling of claustrophobia when it comes to my life, there’s really not much else to say. Somebody once said, once your life is reflected by the lyrics in a rock track, you truly are fucked!
In between trying to get my life on the right track to my own definition of heaven, i gotta battle with the fact that the last couple of years i don’t know what i believe in any-more. I happen to be among the increasing number of people who believe that religion and the money economy have been the biggest hindrance to human development in history. Watching Zeitgeist a week or so ago just served to prove that I’m not alone in my beliefs. I still believe in God, but i’m not sure the God i believe in is the same one most people worship. For a long time I’ve looked at the church and all i’ve seen is hypocrisy and pompous asses akin to political figures. I’m not saying i’m perfect, Lord knows i’m the worst role model in history…but i don’t go around parading myself as an angel. When i’m pissed off i don’t resort to sarcasm or fake smiles, i tell you to go fuck yourself n maybe we’ll be friends again once i’ve cooled off. Its never really important to me what most people think about me, because bottom line, i’m only answerable to myself.
I was always the naughtiest kid in sunday school, but i always asked the right question. As an altar boy i lasted only a week because of too many questions.
Ironically i landed in a seminary. At the end of the term after the exams we had this retreat where we went to church and we’d be told about God and other religious stuff. Anyway there was this session where we could ask any question anonymously by sending a note to the front with your question on it. In one of them i asked about the Israelites, where in the bible it says after the nine plagues Pharaoh wanted to release the Israelites but God made his heart hard. So my question went on to ask, since we believe that God gave us freedom to do anything we want, wasn’t that cruel that he manipulated Pharaoh n killed his son anyway? In extension wasn’t he also manipulating the Israelites to his end therefore they didn’t really make their own decisions. I was 15 then. I had so many discrepancies i’d picked up from the bible n i had this restlessness. Back then my reasoning was limited to wondering, if He could create a pillar of fire n part th Red sea, wasn’t it easier to just smite the pharaoh n problem solved. I also had beef with David n Solomon, dude stole Uriah’s wife n all he had to do was cover himself with ashes n he’s forgiven, yet Saul was replaced for no reason, had his son killed…for crying out loud, how can we believe in human equality based on this book that tells us Jews are God’s chosen? Look at the fall of Jericho!
The answer i got was along the lines of different writers, different perception of God. I wish i had more guts then, then i’d have questioned the relevance of basing our beliefs on book full of contradiction and outright favouritism on God’s part. It actually defies logic that we never question these things for fear of damnation. For all its worth, the bible is an interesting book, having read it end to end about four times, especially the old testament and the apocrypha…but its written by people. The God in that book is a vindictive one. When you put together all the facts you realize, he changes his mind several times. I know of a God who knows of the future n the past n all is one to him, ever was n will be. Do you believe in a God who favours one race of people above another? Well he is in the bible. A God who gets angry and kills thousands of people n influences people’s will, a manipulative God! Doesn’t anyone ever notice the elephant in the room? This is the same religion that imprisoned Galileo for saying the planets revolve around the sun not the earth. The same religion that had crusades against the Arabs, and closer to home…its the same religion that gave you bibles as they took away your land and colonised you.
The devil is in the detail. Nobody ever see’s the irony. I’m not saying to go atheist, i’m saying God is not in the bible, he is right there in your heart. That little voice that keeps you from giving up. He exists, he’s all around us…he loves us, he is us. He is beyond logic comprehension and cant be trapped in a book. The biggest mistake we can ever make is assume we’ve figured him out…nobody can, at least not yet. He is beyond religion n science…n each day as we discover ourselves we come closer to knowing him. He doesn’t propagate fear, just warmth and love, because he is love…
P.s i’m far from being through with bashing secular religion n money

To believe or not to believe

Insomnia…
I’m at period of my life when the questions exceed th answers particularly with relation to religion.
They say, the devil’s greatest act was to convince man that he doesnt exist. And its from this premise that i begin…
In many aspects of life we are faced with difficulties or downright misfortunes that really screw up th quality of life. Religious people usually blame th devil, with particular reference to th book of Job in that he’s testing their faith. More logical people attribute it to a sequence of events building up to th misfortune. A butterfly effect, out of your hands…
Before questioning yourself you gotta ask yourself, what is th origin of religion? Did some poor bastard brainstorm n realized he could make a shitload off other people’s insecurities?
Contrary to popular atheistic beliefs, religion is not a result of psychosocial problems. A physics scientist once said, it would be a great tragedy to assume we know all n have reached th epitome of human thought, coz that would stop us frm expanding th mind n breaking th limits of spacetime. We may have discovered the atom, n broken it, we may have discovered antimatter n broken down th protons n photons into their fundamental particles, but that is only science, its jst one way of trying to explain things.
Fossil evidence indicates that neanderthal men conducted ritualistic burial, indicative of religion, hence religion is rooted further back than we think.
We all know about Darwin n his theory which for th most part is colluded by fossil, geological n anatomical evidence. But there are discrepancies that prevent ‘Darwins theory of evolution’ from turning into ‘Darwins Fact of evolution’!
The problem with most religious fanatics n agnostics or atheists is they take the bible as fact, particularly the old testament n they try to draw arguments for or against, frm that. Truth is, there probably never was a garden of eden. Jewish beliefs are just explanations of origin, just lk th Kikuyu have the mugumo tree, n gikuyu n mumbi. Its indicative that despite diverse cultures human beings always arrive at th conclusion of a superior deity.
My beef with atheists is they spend more time trying to convince me on th futility of religion instead of jst going ahead n answering th question i try to find in religion, which is why i am n who i am. I wanna know why i’m concious of myself n aware of my existence…plain n simple.
Scientists have explained i’m made of energy, 6particles that in varying combination produce electrons, neutrons, protons n their evil halves positrons etc. These make up atoms, which makes up elements that make up cells, that mk tissue that makes up an organism, ME! Aware of what i’m constituted of but not any closer to knowing why i’m aware of that. A rock is made of th same elements bt is inanimate n subject to most laws of physics.
I on th other hand have a body that is 1000times more efficient at extracting energy from a unit of matter than the sun would on th same scale…proven fact! Metabolism vs nuclear fission. No wonder somebody coined th statement ‘for i am fearfully and wonderfully made’.
Maybe we have to rethink religion cz currently it confines God to within limits of our inadequacy of thought…maybe God isnt as vindictive as we think, we may have imposed that to him as a way of using th fear of His wrath to force ourselves to conform to morality. We try to confine God within time n space. God is love, n he is all around us, He is the universe n the universe is within God. With love we dont need law or morality, or any rules and instructions. God is aware of our differences n limitations as human beings, but he knows of our potential. What we need to do is discard selfishness n work for the wellbeing of others. We should embrace science, technology and philosophy nt as a way of replacing God, but as a means of improving mankind as a whole, n discover that even though each discovery brings us closer to knowing what we are made of, knowing who we are is up to Him. Each discovery reveals just how complicated we are n how we are nature’s only anomaly by the mere fact we realize we’re anomalies. A paradox? Maybe.
The power of belief can tranform matter. We dont undertand God, but we’v seen his work, its all around us, it is us.
Atheism is jst spoiling for a fight without offering a solution, which basically amounts to mental n spiritual redundancy. Its easier to fight with answers in your ammo rather than more questions. Religion, philosophy, science, all paths to answer th same fundamental question…who am I?

Daft Constitution

I’m in love with a strange girl. Her name is ambiguity. Thing is u cn never be wrong when u use her cz each of her characters encompases a huge scope of meaning. Relevance? Got no idea…
*****
Anyway i registered as a voter yesterday. They tell me my vote is my power over politicians. So i gaze at the ‘yes’ camp, then the ‘no’ camp, and u knw what i see? All i see is a bunch of vultures rubbing their palms together with glee n an evil ‘muwahaha’! My vote my choice. So i avert my gaze from either side…
‘Its better than the old one,’ one vulture whispers in my ear, the pungent aroma of rotten flesh stinging my nostrils.
‘No, its worse than the old one,’ whispers another vulture in the other ear…its breath not any fresher than the former’s.
I am confused, so i revert to my mentor, ‘pardon me oh great one, when we did comparatives n superlatives all those years ago, didnt you say that its a way of comparing two or more items’ properties?’
‘Yes, my young Padwan’, he replied,’remember,the path to wisdom and indepence is littered with the jagged bones and rotten pieces of those who fell before you’
‘master, tell me what to choose! I go for the lesser evil? I see on one side th birds have collars around their necks!’
‘Ah, the recklessness of youth. My young one, have i not taught you well? Birds of carrion ARE birds of carrion! They are scavengers and flourish in death and putrefaction!’
‘What do you mean master?’
‘Everywhere they go they follow the path of destruction. Alas my young one, it is not they who are destroyed…
‘The collars, they fool you, the whiteness but a façadé of the darkness and greed within!’
‘So i go for the birds without collared ones in their midst? Tell me master’
‘But i just told you, birds of carrion. Is your judgment hindered by the hollow betwixt your ears? Look closer, young one and see. Their beaks and feathers are tipped with blood. The ranger aims his rifle at their heads, but i fear he’s too late and his gun filled with blanks. The shots echo through the grassland but miss their target’
‘Is there no hope master?’
‘For your generation i fear there is none, for the power of the wielderbeast is drawn from many bodies gathered as one. Your independence from each other is your fall, for they pick you out one by one’
His cryptic talk had totally thrown my orientation to the winds….
‘What shall i do master? That is all i seek to know’
‘Look around you, what do you see?’
‘The vultures on either side’
‘What else do you see?’
‘Green’
‘What else?’
‘Dunno…soil n rocks?’
‘No, look deeper, tell me what you dont see’
‘I’m not sure where you’re heading with this, master!’
‘Tell me, what is the work of a scavenger?’
‘Scavenging(duh!)’
‘I heard that! Now tell me, what dont you see?’
‘I’m not sure i follow you…’
‘Look deeper!’
I rolled my eyes in frustration even as i squinted harder…then i saw them…
‘I see them master, i can see them! The eyes! What are they?’
‘THE PREDATORS! Th true hunters’
‘I dont understand, what does all this mean?’
‘What keeps you alive?’
‘The green’
‘Good. Now what camouflages the hunter?’
‘The green’
‘How do you know a kill has been/is about to be made?’
‘The birds of carrion circling and landing’
‘Now my son, you get it’ and he vanished! I was alone, it is up to me now… A twig snapped in the undergrowth…
‘Better hurry up,’ they whispered in unison, the smell overpowering,’He grows restless’
‘Who?’
The other vultures were increasingly getting excited. I have to make a decision fast. An eagle flew over and dropped a book on my lap…’read it,’ they said in unison, ‘make your choice!’
The vultures were excited as they whispered among themselves, much so, i was able to make out their words…’They scatter out in the land…easy picking. It is going to be a good day’
Horrified i flip through the book that has separated us all… When done i’m not wiser for all i have is half the story!
‘Isnt it better than the old? Means more green for your kind’ The vulture to the left says.
‘No,’ this time from the right,’means less secure green to eat over, plus your young, they’l be hunted younger. Look at th cuffs n collars on those ones, they’l get dirty’
The stench, they all smelled the same, that stale blood of the poor and defenseless they fed on…master had shown me what lurks in the green.
Back to reality i look at the piece of paper supposed to hold so much power and the slot to collect the power… Those around look surprised at the sound…
I vote for Maduka

Dawn

A new day approached. He stirred from deep slumber, called out by the cold, damp morning breeze, raising goosebumps as it crept over his skin. He huddled th covers closer n gazed outside.
It was still dark. The wind howled over the roof. A million voices in castigation n protest over his choices. As if he didnt condemn himself enough…
*****
The landscape was still enveloped in a silky haze, a blend of dew and the fading moonlight. She shivered as she watched th horizon struggle to light up. A new day was about to be born out of the darkness n she was a witness. Replayed like clockwork, yet never losing its majesty and awe inspiring beauty.
Still, it reminded her of that evening, so long ago, when he’d walked out into the setting sun never to come again. Was he happy? Had he moved on? Did he think of her?
She’d stopped mourning for him, but she never forgot him…or lose her love for him. But it didnt really matter, even one sided love is still love…
The first rays found their way out, blessing sky and earth alike with gold. She gasped in wonder as she communed with mother nature…the ultimate form of love! She closed her eyes as the warmth enveloped her…she didnt feel alone… As if in confirmation, a faint shadow flickered in the horizon…
*****
He sat up and continued to look out at the changing landscape. In th face of his guilt, all the beauty eluded him. He had wanted to go back to her so many times, but each day took him further away. He knew now it wasnt her choice. Nobody knows for sure what they want. It all comes down to what you feel. He smiled at the irony. He had it all, or at least almost… Funny, all this time he hadnt thought of it that way.
The wind slowed down, the only noise left was that of the crickets doing their final encore. Interesting coincidence.
He stood up, rubbing the last bit of numbness from his body… He’d decided; he knew rejection was a possibility, n forgiveness a previledge or rather a chance in hell. But nothing good ever comes without taking chances. He was going back home…