The happily ever after

I go through life in a trance like state because of the very simple reason that it didn’t come with a manual.

Thousands of generations later we still face the same problems, ask the same questions and make the same mistakes. The only difference is we’re more crowded, less likely to die from AIDS and we have the internet. Other than that not much progress; we still use the wheel invented a couple thousand years ago, maybe we’ve gone a few rungs higher with fire through the microwave.

When I’m not fantasizing about how awesome it would be if i was actually the one who invented the ipod or founded microsoft or google, i think about my love life. Yeah, i really beat myself over that one. When I go to bed I try to convince myself how awesome being single is, and i succeed sometimes, the rest of the time I sleep a tormented man.

The last couple weeks have been like a self evaluation period where I almost completely convinced myself that i don’t care, but as we all know of the mysterious ways of life: always striving to contradict us, so now I’m back four steps.

A friend recently tore me a new one about how I used to treat the girls flirted with. He reminded me of the horrible things i used to do in the name of one night stands; the unceremonious dumping and moving to the next one without giving a crap then repeating the pattern. And i had to explain i haven’t done that the last couple years, i have actually tried to stay in a relationship and almost succeeded, though he didn’t really buy it at first. Then he propositioned that maybe its karma getting back to me for everything, whereby i mentioned I don’t believe in it, but i’m slowly starting to.

Next came another close friend to me; he got married and now has a son. That really brought out the self evaluation. I guess it finally occurred to me that I’d want that too. I wouldn’t mind having somebody to come home to every evening and waking up next to her the next morning, maybe have a daughter I’ll spoil by giving her everything she wants. I get swallowed up by that fantasy, then…poof! Back to reality, I’m alone.

One thing I believe though is that love is patient and natural, I can never force myself to love anyone or force anyone to love me. So i don’t seem to love(read falling in love) that much or even fall for somebody easily, but its not by choice.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m the one going about it all wrong. Maybe the process is get somebody I can tolerate and tolerates me, stay with them. With time we learn to like each other and eventually it blossoms into love or seems like it. Isn’t that the same concept behind shotgun weddings and forced marriages?

So herein comes my best friend, she is actually the only existing proof that I’m not retarded when it comes to loving somebody. Truth be told, I have considered trying the romantic angle with her and I always have to remind myself why we can’t. I don’t want to take the risk of losing her.

Moving along, everyday we are always bombarded with the stories of the happily ever after(disney, wedding show etc), and I always stop to think what is my place in that universe. Maybe I’m the wish-granter(consciously avoiding the word “fairy”), who manages to give others their dreams while not much seems to be going for you. Having the power and looks yet never having somebody to appreciate them. It’s a lesson in redundancy and how things rarely go by the book or as per expectations.

Knowing many girls who like you but you can’t like them back is like being stuck in the middle of the ocean, all the water in the world and not a drop to drink. A big shame. As I prematurely conclude this entry in haste for my kick-boxing session I end with the question, am I ever going to find “The One” for me? Or did she die in a car accident somewhere in the kingdom far far away?

~ Peace mes amies – ben~

Spam This

I have been really idle the past couple of days, something i’m not used to. I had connectivity and nothing much else to do. Somewhere in my head it clicked that getting out of a cyber cafe with a hard on was not really a smart thing to do, therefore porn was out of the question. So i go through the spam folder in my gmail account.
There are about 200 emails in there, so i select them randomly. The first one tells me I’ve won some yahoo lottery i never applied for. True, i have a yahoo account and true it is linked to my gmail account, so i check the boring details, since there is no wet paint to watch as it dries. I open the pdf and as google docs is loading, i muse over the pros and cons of the calories i could lose by continually banging my head against a wall.
Finally its done and the yahoo logo is splashed unprofessionally all over the document. Apparently I’d won £820,000! I couldn’t hide my excitement so i ran around the CyberCafe screaming,”Yes! Yes! Yeeeeees!”, kissed the dude attendant in the mouth and called my boss and told him to jerk off, I’m a millionaire now! No, not really. Still in a state of boredom I skimmed though the document. I assumed if i’d won they would at least have my email and names. It wasn’t there. I checked the “from” address expecting something like; it was from which shocked me to the core! Not really, i expected something like that. The rest was just a load of crap about needing my personal information making me lose all interest and click “delete”.
Moving on, the next email read “Permanent EnlargedPenis with Dr. Guaranteeed Up To 4 Inches & 50% wider in 90 days or less”(sic). Yeah, I have always had a problem with my penis size; whenever i see a naked woman it grows, then after sometime it shrinks again; how good would a permanent solution be! I had considered using something akin to chinese chopsticks to prop it up, but here is a solution with a “new formula”! I guess i missed the old formula last time i cleared my spam(shameless pun – Editor). So i followed the link… No, I “accidentally” deleted on purpose, so now I’ll never have the cure to attaining a permanent erection.
The next emails pretty much had the same the theme. One in particular caught my eye:
DO YOU WISH YOU HAD A Wider & ThickerPenis?
Do you have below issues?
Small and inadequatePenis size – Do you feel like you have a smallPenis?
Poor performance duringSex – Does the anxiety beforeSex cripple your ability to perform?
Decreased self confidence – Have the years of ridicule taken their toll on your ego?
Loss of interest – Has your inability to please yourPartner caused you to lose/decrease your desire forSex?
If you answered YES to even ONE of these questions
We can help! click here to read more(Changed the link, don’t worry)

I would walk through my answers to each of the idiotic questions, but it would contribute to what is commonly referred as too much information, but it was a “no” to each. Though the last question could be either a trick question, an insult or indication of a very selfish man. Then again nobody has ever give me a formal complaint. I mean, when you have a nasty break up majority of the girls use lines like “You weren’t all that in bed!”, or “I faked it”, that should be a signal. But If they try to get a booty call, you did something right. I assume that is what would happen in general situation *ahem*!
I never even bothered with the viagra themed emails…it’s an insult to youthful virility.
At the end of it all, i learnt a major lesson: Delete spam regularly and you are better off continually banging your head against a wall to pass time….