Giving up

I’m assuming this is going to be the first entry that actually reflects the title of the blog. Yen in the web address may define yearnings or something i really desire, whereas the title part “frustrating world” talks of the actual situation on the ground in reaching my yen.
There is always something i seem to get wrong when it come to relationships, because i cant understand why other people get it good and I’m the only one who seems to be always on the outside looking in. Its really pathetic and sad.
I always stare into the mirror looking for signs of deformity or a tail. You know its really a horrible thinking maybe there’s a monster in you everyone notices except you, because you know deep down you are a sincerely nice person without any baggage…maybe except the baggage that nobody wants you. It kills inside and sometime you don’t want to wake up sometimes, because you are that kid in the candy shop without any money, you can see it and smell it, but you cant have it.
You know, all i wish is someday a girl would look at me and take the time to realize, in here lies a pretty awesome dude who is just looking for somebody who will just take the extra time to realize there is something really special and unique, just waiting to be dug up.


Its really sad that you had to spoil it
It was almost us, the subject of envy
You were this dear to me, almost in my heart
Now you and me, is no more
The sweet nothings we shared are just that,
Sweet nothings, words forever empty
The sweet nectar of our kisses
All removed to the world of what ifs
Your beautiful smile and laugh
Now just any other face in the crowd
To ignore and walk past, not even a glance
Yet the ghost of almost continues to haunt
For behind the coldness was warmth
Our last embrace lingers
The ghost in my head taunts
Willing me for one last try at ‘us’
And one more chance for you
But new scabs of friends rid
Throb with new pain killing all hope
Of you getting close again
Still the sweet nothings whisper
Of truth from your lips
And confusion in your thoughts
But its all gone, the second chance
The small part that had loved you
Died in your last act of selfish
Now we’ll live in the almost
As i chide myself for not making our last words
Memorable and coated with honey
Goodbye sweet love, my almost

Same story

You came to me bearing promises
In your wake a thousand kisses
Told me you were for real
Looked at my scabs and swore
To stay with and help me heal
Yet deep within at my core
I knew i could not feel

The essence i so willingly gave before
Was taken and kept by one
The only i trust to store
For there’s no more to atone

Deep in your eyes i saw your fear
In your laugh i heard the sadness
For deep in your heart i was near
But in mine was the emptiness

All i’ve had is pain
With love its never for me
And you none to gain
For you were just the same

In your hem was the string
Your embrace gave me warmth
But it was just a fling
I wanted to give my all to you
But the illusion just broke
I am not for you
For when i came with a clean slate
You came with a bunch of ghosts
In your warm embrace came the chill
As they enticed you to the darkness
‘come join us’ they said
‘we have cookies’
You turned to look at them
And i knew, i was lost to you
You were the same as the rest
But you had the chance
Dusk, dawn, at twilight were the signs
You let yourself get poisoned
And now you join the list
The almost but never will
The same old story over and over
Story of my life, loves gained
And loves lost, all in a breath