The Chips Generation

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I can’t remember that well where i read a this but somebody said we live in a great time, a time where most people have the ability to reach their potential and succeed in anything. The 20th/21st century is a great time.

I’d agree with him and put a heavy co-sign, apart from the tribal animosity and political stupidity, yeah, it is great to live now…I’m sure if somebody had found spectrum cure to STI’s it would have been more awesome.

Anyway, i was on the chips thing. I’ll start by stating the following facts about myself:

  • I’m not the most moral person in the world but i’m nice

  • I come off a pervy sometimes, but the nice kind

  • I love pretty girls

In this age when chipoing has become the in thing we have to take a reality check on what the fuck is going on. Basically to chipo means/implies i can walk into any club especially on a friday, meet a girl for the very first time and on Saturday morning leave her a note on the bedside saying “Dear stranger, had a nice time. Thanks, keep well”.
Again, you wont find me on the news ranting about what what is African, unafrican or moral, because i basically don’t possess those, but i have something called knowledge and common sense. Why i say that? I’ll explain.

Years of sitcoms and probably peer pressure have basically programmed us with this one fact: Its awesome to screw as many people in this lifetime as we can because those notches in your bed give you a 1Up over your friends. Do we really think? Is it something to be proud of? Are our goals meaningful? Because from what i gather most ambitions stem along this line, get a job, then get a car to be ferrying tail(funga) to the crib. That’s why most people just need an SQ, a place to eat sleep and fuck.
For some women their idea of being a strong independent woman is to have the above things and be able to screw as many guys and possible without being labelled as a slut, rather sexually assertive or “explore their sexuality”. What a man can do a woman can do better, right? Yeah, it is the age of independence and enlightenment.
Does that satisfy you? Are you happy with that type of life?
“Look, i have a job i really hate that pays me shit, and a jackass of a boss who makes me miserable, but you know what? All i have to do is suck it up till friday, then i can get drunk, get laid and all the stress is gone” then on Sunday evening, “Oh no, tomorrow another week begins! Fuck monday! FML[initialising zombie mode]!!!”
But you know what complacency is not the real problem in the funga generation, because it is a matter of personal choice and nobody can really influence where you settle your ambitions.
I really have no problem with lack of ambition in most people, neither do i have a problem with the fact that people have sex not primarily to satisfy themselves sexually but to satisfy their ego in the eyes of their friends .a.k.a a tool. My problem is the HIV/AIDS prevalence.
So by now some people will be going woi he is going to start that talk we’ve had a million times before read in the pamplets, and in the wall on that ka-clinic when you went to to have the doc look at the ka-rash kwa nyonyo. Actually no, and I don’t give a fuck whether you have to take ARV’s for the rest of your life.
You know what I give a fuck about? I give a fuck about people dying around me. Condoms don’t work all the time, there is always that risk there will be a bonyoks somewhere and someone will pick some dumb disease that controls your life. I care because in my trying not to stigmatize you about the condition you may have stupidly picked, i put myself at the risk of getting it myself and joining the band wagon. Of having to pop some pills three times a day for the rest of my life.

It is actually sad to see lives ruined, its not just your life you fuck up, you fuck up the lives of the people who care about you. You may be living your independent life, but when you get infected and get all weak, you will go back home to your famo, you will drag all your problems to them.

Like it or not people still talk in hushed tones about the disease and its your family that will bear the brunt. Life with AIDS is not all that glamor bullshit you see on TV about overcoming and living your life as normal and “mending the ribbon”. When you prick yourself with a pin, kitchen knife or just stub your toe and blood comes out, people WILL go white in fear and tiptoe around you. Enlightened or not nobody wants to be you. That is the reality of AIDS.

Life will be expensive, life will be lonely, no more random partying…unless you’re the vindictive type that wants to spread and revenge(BTW that is illegal). The only thing worse than having AIDS would be having AIDS behind some lonely cell with the opportunist diseases having a field day on you.

So next time you are at that ka-pub, your friends goading you to nail that ka-eyecandy that gave you the ka-look, remember there could be consequences. I know that it’s old fashioned but you can also get a lot of tail even when you are patient. Don’t just jump in there, take your time with her, a potential one night stand could turn into something else that adds meaning to your life, people sometimes surprise you. Remember, she could have hooked up with somebody else but she hooked up with you, she was the one that caught you eye.

If that scenario doesn’t work for you then ask yourself, are you doing this because you want it or are you doing it because you’re your friends’ bitch. If this one doesn’t work either, you could catch AIDS and you will die the slowest inhumane death possible, you will battle skin disease(herpes), diarhoea, chest infections(TB), name a disease that at most times is just annoying(homa) and goes away in a few hours and you can’t remember you ever had it. With AIDS that ka-seemingly useless disease will own you! It will pound your body and it will try to destroy you, and you are not assured it will come alone. It will bring friends, mean ass hell friends and they will FUCK YOU UP! And eventually die because even with their billions, them scientist guys don’t have a pretty little pill that makes it all go away.

In other news, monday is here…after being stuck in the jam and inhaling all those fumes, put a smile on and when you get to work, give your boss a big hug and let him wonder why you’re so perky this morning. Its good to be alive.

Lovely week

Is he planning to "plough" you?

Disclaimer:This entry should in no way be confused gay bashing. I happen to have a very tolerant perception of homosexuality; that people should be free to pursue whatever makes them happy. Rape is also a serious issue not to be joked about…like I’ve done here. So if you don’t have any semblance of humour in you…move along to the older entries…or new one. They probably have something that will appeal to a one track mind
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Yeah, I know this one has been a long time coming, but finally, the scintillating sequel!

Previously we talked of how a straight guy may fall prey to the “seduction” of a closet friend who isn’t ready to go through the painstaking process of turning a straight man. We continue with the tips on what to notice and avoid getting anal raped.

  1. Does he place a hand on your thigh?

    In the history of sexual overture none has been stronger than the gesture of placing a hand upon another’s thigh. If a guy ever does that to you, punch him. That is the only way to cleanse the sacrilege inflicted upon your body. If he is bigger than you, slowly edge away uncomfortably and don’t make eye contact.

  2. He doesn’t like it when you bring your girlfriend
    I once had a friend, again note the tense, who never seemed to like any of my exes especially when I brought them to our drinking sessions, unless we’d just broken up, and then he’d go, “Awww, how now? She seemed nice.” He probably didn’t realize I saw the possessiveness and the silent high five he gave himself. Possessiveness by a dude to another dude implies, nay, PROVES, that he plans to do you at one time or another, whether you like it or not.
  3. He desperately wants to be roomies

    When I was in third year in campus I got a job so I was able to afford my own place. Anyone who knows me knows I love my space; there’s nothing I love more than just blacking out on the carpet surrounded by music. Then comes this co-worker desperately wanting to be roomies. I go like “dude, you making enough to live on your own, WTF!!!”. I assumed he was planning something sinister especially since he had shown creepy tendencies like number 8, 9 and 10 below. Key point here is, if somebody shows they want something too much and you can’t see any feasible/useful outcome, run!

  4. He want to spend time with you

    This point pretty much speaks for itself. Personally if a guy calls me more than two times a day and it’s not business related, I start avoiding him. Guys don’t just call each other to “just talk”. Guys go out for drinks, guys talk about girls and the topic focuses mostly on boobs, Julie gichuru and the craziest place you ever got laid. So if you have this guy friend who just wants to hang out just the two of you, think twice. It’s just not ok.

  5. He opens up to you emotionally

    No need to expound here. He’s trying to reel you in emotionally. If he doesn’t succeed he’ll probably try some of the later points.

  6. You’ve never actually seen him hook up with a real woman

    I once had this friend, who was all talk, yet when we were hanging out with the rest of the boys and our current girlfriends (the usage of the term is loose here when it came to me considering it was our first hook up with the girl), his girlfriend wasn’t there. I started to suspect she wasn’t real. I even started to suspect the saucy texts he showed us came from his other phone whose number none of us knew.

  7. He says “Who needs women anyway”

    So the said friend who texts himself and has a very active pathetic account on adultfriendfinder after striking out when he tried to hit on my girlfriend (yeah I was in a relationship) started talking smack about girls in general. He’d struck out several other times, probably because their gaydars were primed and they probably figure he was a freak. A question I actually got more than once was “how can you work with that freak?”

    Women may be hard to understand (read impossible), but no matter what we still love them and still want to sleep with them. Even gay dudes love women. So a guy who seems to dislike women may be doing so because he blames them for the lack of enough opportunity and this is where serial killers and rapists come from. You know the kinds who are seen on CSI tying up the woman in the bathroom, smacking the guy unconscious and dragging him to the bedroom…not funny.

  8. He peeks in the urinal

    Figure 3: There’s a theory about size being relevant in determination of who becomes the screwer and who is made the screwee…we talking muscle mass here

    The general rule of thumb in a urinal is eyes should be on the wall. If your friend constantly peeks after following you into the urinal, user beware! In as much as the urinal is great for showing off and intimidating guys trying to hit on your girl, it is also a ripe recruitment area for potential ass bandits. You have to consider the fact they might not actually interested her. Rather you might find yourself engaged in a sword fight you will just end losing, morally and literally.

  9. Does he want you to partake in a crime

    Figure 4: Chanting “The booty is mine no one can have it” doesn’t necessarily guarantee you won’t be anal raped

    The final most important advice in avoiding being raped as a guy, avoid prison. After lengthy research on the statistics of rape in prison, evidence collected by watching hours of The Boondocks reruns, it has become clear that going to prison is an assurance you WILL be penetrated anally. So the next time he suggests lighting a joint in front of a police station or in public, know he has plans, probably of getting you to drop the soap.

  10. Avoid queues

    We have all been stuck in queues at one time or another, maybe in the supermarket, or the bank. Statistics show that queues are the number one crime scenes for the passive rape of men. Passive rape involves rubbing up against you in a queue until a phenomenon commonly known as “jizz in my pants” is achieved. Though it is arguable there was no penetration, the feeling of violation is still the same.

  11. Does he want to watch twilight with you?

    Personally I haven’t watched twilight, because I’m straight, and straight men don’t admit to having watched twilight. Straight men watch True Blood, where Eric admits to being bisexual but is still cool, because he can fly. Even Clark from Smallville can’t hack flying.


    Figure 1: “My name is Eric, I’m moody, I want Suki, but I’ll fuck you too, both literally and figuratively. I threw Lady Gaga off a balcony, coz I’m gangster”
    I heard twilight vampires walk in the sun and practice abstinence. True vampires laugh in the face of abstinence. So the idea of the fairy tale of a vampire that wants to wait till you get married or converts you first is ridiculous. Only fairies exist in fairies tales. In essence this means if a guy wants to watch Twilight with you, he is gay and in extension wants to rape you.

  12. Does he try to get you drunk?

    I once had a friend (note the past tense) who used to buy me a lot drinks. It never escaped me the extreme look of disappointment in his face when he realized my tolerance to alcohol was extremely high, in that I never blacked out or lost coherence. This was because I respect one cardinal question “do you suspect his sexuality”. If the answer is yes, cross him out of your drinking buddy list.

    The same reason you smile at her and refill her drink is the same reason he is smiling at you and calling for another round.

  13. What type of music is playing in the background when he invited you to his place

    Figure 2: Note the extreme horror and surprise…bet he didn’t see it coming…bet he wont see it coming(sic)
    I guess this should also go along with “is anyone else invited”, but it’s more fun this way. If he plays anything by Ace of Base or ABBA especially Flower or Dancing Queen, run! I once saw a St. Georges parade on TV where they were playing Dancing Queen in the background. In scrubs when JD was almost married to an old man, guess what music was in the background… Ever since, I’ve always associated Dancing Queen to daisy dukes.

So how can you tell when it’s too late to mitigate anal rape? Ans: when you have been already been done; here’re things to look out for:

  1. Instead of loud farts they come out in form of a silent whoosh
  2. Yeah, that’s basically it…the whoosh

The soul needs rest

It’s not pity it needs, neither does it need sympathy

It’s a soul bruised, haunted by ghosts past

The spirit still grieves, from a bleeding heart

It longs for peace, and some rest

 

Do not look at it in sorrow, for it just rests

The spirit in submission, waiting to break loose

As the last of the chains rust, closer to thee freedom

The breeze of the outside stirring the resting soul

 

Patience kindred spirit, soon we shall roam

A soul unbridled, a spirit untamed

To flow with the wind, and shine with the stars

The world in its grasp, endless possibility

 

Patience is all it asks for, as it cleanses

As old skins are shed, and torment exorcised

Will you be there kindred spirit, will you wait?

For this soul needs healing, and rest

 

Do not look in disgust, nor be hasty kindred spirit

Submission is not breakage, just living to fight again

A resting soul is vulnerable, and needs protection

When it rumbles in awakening, will you be there?

Or will our spirits roam wild and free alone?

The Longing

I gaze into your beautiful dark eyes,

As my soulful browns try to connect with them

My throat locks up with emotions

And words of love stay unsaid,

The longing

I take your dainty hands in mine

And hold on as I try share what’s within

But the emotions, remain unspoken

And you remain unknowing

Of the Longing I hold

As we stay there in silence

Conversation on hold, I listen

To your soft breathing, no need for words

You being here is all I need,

Even though you don’t seem to notice

The unspoken will destroy,

As dreams of us unravel, and ghosts of past loom

I may never get to tell, you may never get to know

Sometimes hints aren’t enough,

Those times we pay for what’s unspoken

It doesn’t have to be this way,

I don’t know if we be, we’ll last

It’s also bad if we’re led by the past, and don’t try

For sometimes, I think I see it in you when we hold,

A longing