I’ll begin with the usual disclaimers:
- This is going to be long so make sure you are seated or free from interruptions
- My opinions may seem biased sometimes but I try to tell it the way I see it though it may not always be agreeable or easily digested
- I may have left out several reasons an that’s because i decided to focus on the main one that has become clear…sort of.
- Before any political correctness advice is shoved down my throat, I’ll state I’m talking of hetero-relationships here, though the dynamics are generally the same all around.
- When I say “woman”, I’m thinking “lady” unless you are not one so just ignore this point
- This entry is not titled “why women cheat” or “why people cheat” for a reason
- Finally; I’m not a specialist in relationships and neither is this a professional opinion, so I could be wrong on some aspects except the last sentence.
The reason I decided to focus this entry on cheating was brought about at a staff party where one of the guys mentioned several things I’d thought about but never really paid attention to since I assumed I was the only one who realized part of the problem.
My (our) generation is a special one. We live in a time where sex is no longer a taboo rather it’s glorified in all its aspects and manifestations. It’s still a time where you can’t leave a child playing alone outside because sexual predators are everywhere now as a result of the liberal attitude towards sex. But that is beyond the scope covered here.
Cheating: each one of us probably knows somebody who was cheated on, is cheating on, or we’ve done it or been party to it. A lucky few have probably never experienced it directly or never knew about it; basically been on the friendlier side of ignorance. Now, my take on the whole cheating issue from my perspective as a young man still relatively untainted by the issue at hand. Part of it from observation, a small part experience, and a huge chunk from guys who cheat and know what they’re talking about.
Men and aging
Men go through several stages in their lives, there is the stage you discover boobs, that women are soft smell nice and you like to touch them. It’s at his point you have puppy love, crushes, get your heart cracked the first time, probably lose your virginity and generally start masturbating to pictures of naked women. The stage lasts through the teen years to the super early 20’s.
The next stage happens in the 20’s where most men start getting a little more serious in relationships. The not so smart ones jump into marriage –but you didn’t hear me call them stupid-, likely shotgun in many and in others just youthful impulsiveness. Advice: don’t get married yet; just get to know each other better, what is a 5year dating period if you are going to spend the rest of your lives together? Where was i? Oh yeah, they start getting a little serious in relationships and looking for the One.
By this stage most men have identified what characteristics would make the ideal woman for them. When asked what type of person they are looking to spend their lives with, they will give a detailed description; most likely because they have someone in mind. Thing is, this is also the stage when most men are making the foundation to their financial future, i.e. Hustling and getting their shit together.
The next significant stage is from 30-40 when he has achieved most of the financial freedom he was looking for and settles down, most likely with the ideal woman he described in the previous stage i.e. assuming she stuck around when he was still hustling. This is where many men are found to be cheating on their wives, divorces happen and generally really bad shit goes down.
Girls and pizza
Women age differently from men (hence the subtopic) and I’m not a woman so I won’t get into that that much. I’ll just state: men grow more attractive with age, while women just grow old, except for the lucky few. Inflammatory as this statement may seem, it’s isn’t intentional, just a little hard to swallow fact. As I move along you will come to realize that in an ideal universe the difference in aging is not really that important. I’ll skim over some of the stages women go through nevertheless.
Teenage is that stage in a woman’s life when she is most attractive. The boobs pass the pencil test easily because of all the glorious perkiness and men are constantly scratching at your front door wanting to get in. I guess it’s still here where a woman realizes the power she has over them.
At 18 men can lay her without thoughts of jail and dropping the soap; clubs, booze and pizza/cake places become the norm. Basically she can and will exploit her sexuality to the maximum. The girls are impressionable and the idea of dating an older guy is kind of a thrill…the richer the better.
Young girls love pizza, even the ones who never grew up eating it; the only thing they love more than pizza is the guy who can afford to buy it for them constantly. Rarely will you see young women ordering pizza to-go; it’s to be eaten there for it to taste better. It’s the my-man-can-buy-me-shit phenomena and young men will stumble over each other trying to catch her attention using pastry and cheese.
Many women in their 30’s have also usually achieved financial independence and looking to settle down. They have been aware their biological clocks are ticking for the last 2 or 3 years and the attention from men is waning because of the developing crow’s feet yeah I said it and the fact that impressionable girls are hitting 18 every day bringing a lot of unfair competition. Oh, and they have friends who are married or getting married, probably with kids too. So there is some sort of pressure on them.
Men and love, women and money and why men cheat
A general consensus among women is that “men aint shit” especially among those who have been hurt by some men. If they said “some men aint shit” i guess I’d nod in agreement and probably give them a “there there” pat on the back.
A commonly unheard expression/topic is that one covering men and love. We rarely hear of men being in love nowadays, it’s almost like a taboo. You will rarely come across a man’s blog talking about love or how in love he is with somebody. So we can safely assume our generation consists of aloof, macho self-centered men whom women swoon all over seeking for their attention? You would be mistaken for thinking it’s a crime in our generation for a guy to have emotions or feelings except those along the lines of laughter, anger or sadness. The expression “why you behaving like a woman” is actually used as an insult!
Let me break it down nicely, men have feelings. It actually stings a little when women say “men aint shit” because some of us are the shit…and urine. Men love with an unfathomable fire, just like a woman in love. When a man loves you he does it with every fibre of his being. It won’t matter how old you are, how you look or dress as long as it’s you. In his eyes you are the epitome of perfection and nothing anybody says or does can ever change that. He will let you step on his ego and use it for your doormat, and he will let you keep his testicles in your purse (not literally obviously). When a man loves you, he hands you the remote/control to his life; you may choose to screw with it or make it better. Whether he is miserable or happy will depend on you for the most part.
And no, when a man loves you there is no chance of him cheating on you because he lives to see you happy and there is no sacrifice too great…including giving up other women.
Women and money
Nobody likes to be poor, nobody!
Women like to be pampered and treated nice and all that but methinks they sometimes lose sight of the bigger picture. I know money can’t buy happiness and that a hug can’t pay bills; neither can you binge on junk and keep that curvy hourglass shape-without the bulimic quick fix-. Not the smartest metaphor(that second one), but my point is everything is always about finding that happy medium.
Nowadays, though, I’ve started to get convinced that is all most women think about, money and what a guy can buy for them. Guys are judged for the size of their wallet and not what he can give with his heart. It’s “I’d rather weep in a palace than smile in a shack”. Women constantly bitch about men treating them like objects yet when you look at it soberly, most of them DO go to the highest bidder. It is at this point that I will jump to the next topic that actually got you reading this entry in the first place:
Why men cheat
Like i said earlier, by their mid-20’s most men have identified what they’d want in their ideal soul mate and probably have somebody in mind. Men love and can get hurt just as badly as women. The problem with this age though, is most women are very materialistic and as an unfortunate coincidence it’s usually the time the man is kick starting his financial future. See where I’m leading?
So a situation arises where a man is seriously interested in a girl and even though she may be interested she discounts him as a potential partner based on his financial ranking. This is probably because she had that ideal in mind on the lifestyle she desires to have. Her having friends who date rich guys would probably tilt the odds against the suitor further because of the superficial perception over how her friends’ lives have changed by dating rich men. So she ignores the guy who makes her happy for a guy who can buy her stuff but might not really appreciate her. There is a vicious cycle resulting from this process, you will note by the end.
Hearts heal, but they never love the same (most of the time), and the jilted young man will ,move on, hopefully with no hard feelings depending on how he was let go. Other girls will come who will see and appreciate him for what he is and in my ideal universe he will love her with the same passion he loved the first girl and it ends happily ever after. A person never forgets the person they truly loved; life never gives the easy way out. The ideal was set and it is imprinted in the subconscious mind, the guy will move on but he will date the girls who most closely resemble his dream girl-the one that got away. The girls won’t realize it but he will try to change them to fit the image he had and when she fails, he moves on or strays.
During this time his financial standings have improved, from promotions and all that hustling paying off; and with age and money, comes the girls; remember what I said about the thrill young girls get from dating older men, plus the common misconception that older men are more mature –men never mature, mature men are just boring men trying to look serious. So this young man was jilted because he was poor, got his heart all broken but now he has all these women after him. He will let the money work for him, after all, wasn’t that all you (women in general) were after all along? You see, without the emotional connection with a woman the only thing that would actually potentially keep a man from cheating would be his morals, and we all know that morality is a gift that has been distributed sparingly to our generation.
Let’s move to a hypothetical situation which as it turns out happens a lot of times so isn’t really that hypothetical. What if the original poor guy (who was left, then morphed into the rich guy, taking girls from other poor guys, continuing the seemingly unbreakable cycle) ends up hooking up with the girl of his dreams – the one who left him when he was just a hustler? In the ideal universe they live happily ever after. Had this been a movie we’d just cut to the scene where she is crying on her friends couch/lap sobbing “but *inhales snort* I gave him the *inhales more snort* chance later on. Why would he cheat on me? *insert sobs here*”
When a mother gives up her baby- adoption abandonment whichever- for 10 or maybe 15 years then comes back into the picture, will she still have the same effect on it as she would have had she raised the baby? The man had a specific perception of you when you were young; had you stayed together, the perception would have adjusted as you aged together and there wouldn’t have been any lost years because of petty finance issues. This is what I was leading up to when I said it doesn’t matter how either of you age because he will love you for all that you are and all that you made him feel i.e. if you hadn’t made him feel pathetic by leaving him because he wasn’t as loaded as other guys. Now the man is stuck on an image of you when you were young and since you are no longer it, he will still be on the lookout for the younger you he knew and loved which will lead to him doing what? It may seem like a cold and pessimistic outlook on life and relationships, and I’m not saying anyone deserves to be cheated on, but this is the reason most guys I’ve talked to give.
The truth is people lie to each other. Sometimes when a person is too forthcoming about how good their life is, they are probably trying to cover up for small insecurities, embarrassment or pain. Why else do we see couples break up and not give a shit about the money anymore after several years? Just goes to show how many people realize too late where some of the priorities should have been.
There are good guys out there, men who will lay down their life for you, and mold their world around you because, for all intents and purpose, you are their world. Just make sure you aren’t too preoccupied assessing their finances to notice what they mean to you or you to them. Would you rather be a trophy to a wealthy fuck who treats you like trash, than be a queen to an average guy who would treat them like they are the world. Sometimes the grass is greener on the other side because you aren’t watering your side enough.
As a side note before it seems like I’m trashing rich folk: I know several wealthy couples who are really happy with each other all these years (some have been together for 26yrs now…26!) and the common denominator between them is they weren’t always rich yet stuck together through the hard .
Let love be the prize and money to be just a welcome bonus.