For mpesa the one testicled man was king

Sometime i really get frustrated at a little something called protocol. I know the title may be termed as a tad misleading but i got it from the saying “in the land of eunuchs, the one testicled man was king”. Crass? It’s about to go downhill then.[ps. i got both testicles intact]

In Kenya there is a money transfer system which has revolutionalized transactions and the way business is run. It has been termed brilliant and empowering and all that business “professional” bullshit. To me it also reflects the number gormless idiots live in this country. In the terms i directly used on some of them, a bunch of dumb fucks.
I understand how the system has helped businesses grow and i know how it has eased out the issue of unemployment(to a degree). I also get how it has helped the government in terms of tax, so that our stupid MP’s get something more to waste. But some of the logic does not compute…in latin it’s something along the lines of non sequitur(?).
Anyway, the part of the logic that fails me is when it comes to depositing. Since time immemorial when the first caveman offered shell storage services where other cavemen came to deposit their excess shells for storage till a rainy day, he never asked the cavemen to show their identifying rocks before depositing. Or biting a clay template or some shit like that. That habit was carried down over the centuries to todays banks where you aren’t required to produce identifying documents to deposit money. I can’t go into deeper details about why it isn’t necessary except by saying banks earn from the money saved with them. They are gentlemen and have a limit to how far they will screw you…unless you are taking a loan or mortgage.
Today I forgot to carry my id….-fuck it-, i didn’t forget to carry my ID. I am a  proud Kenyan and love my freedom so i never carry my id because i am free to walk around anywhere in this country without having to produce my identification documents to anyone. As long as I’m not infringing on anybody’s rights so i have the right to do whatever the fuck i want to do whenever the heck i want. So i needed to send some cash urgently and hit the first vendor(that’s what they’re called, right?) and it was easy, didn’t need documents but their float was several thousands less than what i needed to deposit, so i just deposited what was available and moved to the next one.
This is where i got ticked off. So the lady, a nice looking lady, kinda easy on the eyes, got around asking my number; i told her, asked me if i had an id, i shrugged. she looks at me and asks me whether i had my id, i told her no, coz i was making a deposit, not a withdrawal. She looks at me and without batting an eyelid tells me i cant make a deposit without my national identity card or passport. Without batting an eyelid i look at her squarely and told her to go fuck herself, turned and left. Ok, i didnt tell her to go fuck herself…ok i did.
At the next place i was a bit more open to reasoning with stupid people. So the conversation goes:
“hi[stupid people], i would like to deposit”
“K, you have your national id card”
“What’s your number?”
“072 asterix asterix asterix…etc”
“Where’s your id?”
“I don’t need it”
“excuse me [finger snap] but you need your id to deposit”[ok, I’ve exaggerated]
“*bored face*i know the number off-head…it’s my id ainnit?”
At this point i was bored, but i had already exhausted my weekly quota of “go fuck yourself”s so my attitude changed to something akin to patience. So i go:
“why do you need my id?”
“Because it’s required”
“Yes, we’ve already established that[inner groan], i mean why do you need it?”
“To identify you”
“I have my health insurance card with me, acceptable in most institutions for identification purposes”
The last bit was drawn out in a duh kind of way…seriously! stupid people.
“When you are typing out your thing, do you enter my id number anywhere?”
“No, but we need it to know it is you who is depositing”
“huh? never mind. After you deposit to my number, what happens? On my side i get a confirmation text, yours?”
“We also get a confirmation text”
“Good, we’re getting somewhere now!
“In that confirmation text…YOUR vendor confirmation text, is the id number featured anywhere?”
“So why do you need my id again?”
“[instead of a light bulb, a candle flickers somewhere in her TINY TINY brain only to get extinguished] To identify you”
“In this whole process why is my id needed when any identifying documents would suffice?”
“To know that it is you”
“[inner groan] Look here(stupid), i have a document whose names match the names returned in the confirmation sms. Isn’t that enough? I mean, if i could fake the names in your confirmation sms wouldn’t that mean the integrity of the whole mpesa process is compromised?”
“i mean, it’s not necessary to require an id to DE-PO-SIT[mouthed syllable by syllable for emphasis] money… even banks don’t require that part! coz it’s redundant!”
“We need your id to deposit money”
“You know what, GO FUCK YOURSELF!!!”
And i left.
For those who don’t see the logic, or lack of it in this case…well maybe you’re reading the wrong blog…perhaps… And i bid your farewell.
Keep safe