This week i found myself in unfamiliar territory. You know, the type of stimuli you get exposed to for the first time in your life.
I know my friends may be surprised at how well I’m taking it; hell, even i am surprised at me. Had it been in 2009 or 2010 I’d be a series of frayed nerves and on the verge of emotional breakdown. But it’s 2012 and I’m a rock!
So, why am i still cheerful despite having gone through what should be a gut wrenching experience, a horrible breakup? I mean, i just broke up with my best-friend of many many many years, my confidante, and in gay terms – the love of my life! Maybe the experience was so shocking my systems shut down and rebooted on reserve energy where emotions don’t exist. So many maybes. Maybe I’m still in denial (but i know I’m not…at least i don’t think i am). Some part of me still cares, my inner child is probably pining for her, but the rest of me – pardon my french – just doesn’t give a fuck!
When Ben loves, he doesn’t do it half way, when Ben cares he doesn’t do it in small doses, when Ben gives he doesn’t do it in potions. He loves with his whole heart, he gives with his whole being. Loving with his whole being is the only thing he can give and the world can’t take that away from whom he gives it to.
He doesn’t just give it to just anyone, hell, he waited his whole life to give it to that special somebody and she blew it.
As the walls build up and get fortified, he realizes it’s gonna be a while before somebody else ever manages to scale them successfully. You see, normal Ben doesn’t just love anybody, he doesn’t just miss anybody. When Ben says he misses you, you better damned believe it he misses you. When he says he loves you, well bring out the band and give the 21 gun salute for you are part of the less than a handful! Ben’s love is not a diamond in the rough, it’s a fucking living planet in the emptiness of the cosmos…i.e hard to find…for the slow ones! Hell, he doesn’t like human beings that much!
Anyway enough of the third person speak, i relate better to my life if i look at it from a 3rd person perspective. But my biggest suspicion over why I’m not emotionally responding appropriately is my medication. Bipolar meds are built to control moods, and moods determine emotions. I’m thinking i stop taking them for a day or two to mourn, but nah. Moving on swiftly…
Cheating is the number one relationship breaker, so I’m led to believe, in the world. In my books cheating is the worst thing you could ever do to your other half(short of murder) and there is no coming back from that. I have written an article on why men cheat, so that base is covered, but why do women cheat?
From experience, women cheat for one or more of the following reasons:
a) she intentionally wants to hurt you
b) she’s emotionally/sexually attracted to somebody else
c) she got drunk
d) financial reasons
I would really love to go through them point by point, but really, there is no fucking excuse to cheat! Fuuuuck, just dump somebody! Save them the pain of being cheated on!
Only a stupid woman would cheat to hurt a guy! Do you realize a guy can go loco and fucking kill you and the ass wipe you’re cheating on him with? I mean why not just end it? I’m not the violent type but we see it all the time on the news. If a relationship has reached that plateau point why not fucking end it? Isn’t that why cave people invented the classic “it’s not you, it’s me” line?
I know it’s the emotions finally breaking through, but if you dumped me because you met somebody better(ha, as if) I’d understand, it was probably not meant to be.
If you cheat on me because you got drunk and one thing led to another, I’d understand, sure I’ll dump your cheap ass immediately but I’d understand. Drunk girls do the most stupid of things, we all know that, we’ve all been on the wrong end of a tequila overdose. But if you do it just to hurt me, what do you gain? The sex probably sucks but that is beside the point. You fuck somebody you don’t care about, somebody you wouldn’t have given the time or day just to prove a point?
Moving on, women also cheat for financial reasons too. Assume you are a couple and between you the money doesn’t seem enough. In comes this guy, a guy your woman would never give it up to under normal circumstances, but he is rich, he dangles a carrot and promises her a job if she gives it up to him, kuonja tu. And here I’m talking to the girls, y’all are just stupid! You know that? STUPID! With a capital S.T.U.P.I.D! Everyone knows those jobs never work out but you are so stupid as to leave or cheat on somebody you love, somebody with promise and would give the world just for you, based on some stupid promise!
Jeez for Christ’s sake, what the FUCK is going through your minds? Pussy is just pussy where no emotion is involved! And take my word for it, from a guy, it’s the cunt count that matters in such circumstances! All we want is the bragging rights. When a guy loves you, he doesn’t do it because you’re the only one who will give it up to him, he does it because you’re all that matters! So next time you’re walking around feeling sweet like you got a golden hymen, remember, you are not that special!!
I’ll stray a bit. For a young couple with no kids, financial constraints are at most(should be) just a stumbling block. You always have the option of moving in together to save on rent and other expenses. But remember you have a lifetime ahead of you to build on the financial bit. Nothing ever comes easy for most people, if you want to live the fast life you have to work towards it, don’t take any shortcuts. Shortcuts only lead to disaster and in many cases jail time.
I have never understood why most people assume that one day you will wake up and everything will be sorted out. The journey to the top takes blood, sweat and tears. But really that is a concept many women will never understand. They are pretty much happy to be the trophy girlfriend or clande, not realizing thousands of girls are hitting 18 everyday, and their nectar is much fresher and innocent and their boobs perkier than your wrinkly ass, so you will get replaced sooner than you think, and what will you do then? Try to rebuild the bridges you burnt?
People, this world we live in, is a mean motherfucker! It will eat you up and spit you if you’re not careful. Be careful the toes you step on, they might be attached to the ass you have to kiss tomorrow.
I believe I covered this in the why men cheat article but women, you are responsible for the monsters men become! Men are emotional beings too, very emotional, but destroy that part and you and your gender become just life support for pussy and adding notches to the bedpost. So beware lest your stupidity becomes the undoing of your gender.
There is never an excuse for cheating whether a dude or a chick. Remember, you always have the option of breaking up first if you feel the need to have sex with other people. Don’t create a monster. Don’t destroy another human emotionally…some things can’t be fixed, especially not with an ‘i’m sorry’!
And at that, I’ll go back to my happy little world of binary poetry.
Keep well my friends
This should fall under the write thinking category or matatu ride one, but i lose track sometimes. This was a story as it was narrated by one of the passengers in the matatu i was in, but i’ll do it as a first person narration; since i realized it will/might make more sense that way.
Disclaimer: The entire narrative was in Swahili so some details are lost in translation. Plus it was a conversation
Here goes… Psst…names have been changed by the way…ok, now here goes for real….
Eric became MP in 1997 and was subsequently made a minister in the Moi government. As you all know being an MP at that time came with a lot of perks. He was in charge of roads and development. Nowadays Eric drives an old Mitsubishi Lancer and sells water to residents in his area for 3 shillings. What’s worse, he can’t afford to hire somebody to do it for him, so he does the selling personally. His wife works at a certain TSC branch in Nairobi, so the family is not that well off.
So what happened? In 2002 Eric, like many other MPs from the Moi government(Not many enough – Ed), lost his seat and that is where his problems began. You see, Eric never brought any significant development to his constituency. When electricity was brought in, it was because he had to get it to his house, and that was as far as that project went. When he dug a bore-hole, it was in his compound – which is where he gets the water he is selling to the residents.
As you can tell, Eric’s problems stem from the fact that people’s curses have weight. When he was in the ministerial position he lived like there’s no tomorrow and therefore never saved anything. On the up side Eric has connections with the police and administration police(AP) and he is able to get people into the force. He used this strategy to help him garner votes for the 2002 election…though it didn’t go that well for him because he got 26…yes TWENY SIX votes in the 2002 elections IN THE WHOLE CONSTITUENCY! Anyway, whaat he does is this, he takes note of the families that have relatives who need employment, and he takes his forms and goes to the family and get’s the jobless “kids” employed. But as you noted before, that strategy didn’t work(It sucked ass – ed).
One incident in particular messed it up for him, there is this family where the father has over 30kids, so he approached the with 3police forms and 4AP forms and signed up seven sons. In his strategy drawing board he figured that he’d he would get at least 50 votes from that household alone. The flaw in the logic stemmed from the fact that other residents saw it as favoritism; how could one household get so many entries while the rest of the community was languishing in poverty and joblessness.
Anyway, I had finished campus, doing a course in electrical engineering, and needed a job. So i approached him for a job and he gave me forms for joining the police force! Me! A university graduate becoming a lowly police officer getting 11k a month, GROSS(grooss, i.e., net + deductions – ed)! I turned down the offer since i would rather stay at home unemployed than waste my degree with the police. I mean, he could have offered to get me in the army or something!
My friend, John, from campus, who did mechanical engineering, took up his offer and joined the police force. As for me, I eventually got a good job in the aviation industry, but my friend…not so cool. John had been in the force for a bit when he got frustrated. One day he was walking along Jogoo road, and he tried to stop some cars(didn’t think to ask why he tried to stop the car- ed). None stopped, so he got pissed off, took his gun off safe, switched it to rapid fire and opened fire on the vehicles.
You see, he was frustrated why he had a degree in mechanical engineering and had to work his ass off carrying a freaking G3 rifle with all its heaviness and risk his life everyday for peanuts. His fellow police officers had to wait for the bullets to run out before restraining him because there was a big risk of him killing them had they attempted to calm him while his gun still had ammo.
Fortunately nobody had been hurt during the rant, just damaged vehicles. After he had been restrained and arrested, John was put through a mental checkup and was put in Mathare hospital(an asylum/mental hospital in Nairobi). Upon further enquiry, I found out why John had become frustrated.
In Kiganjo(Police training academy) they don’t allow calls to the cadets from outside. It so happened that John had been called for a job to head the department of a very large company in Eldoret. At the time he had been a cadet. The company tried to contact him in vain and even called his next of kin. But his father had informed the company that he(John) had gotten another job elsewhere and didn’t need that one. After that the family had set aside the invitation letter and forgot the story. So john had found out way later from friends about it. He took leave from work and contacted the company but found out his position had been filled in long ago and there was nothing more they could do for him.
After that it was all downhill for him. John has several siblings all with degrees and very good jobs. They are based all around the world, USA, Australia etc and they called him from time to time to update him on their status, and here he was, a lowly police officer(just because it says lowly shouldn’t imply they are, they’re why you sleep soundly at night, they are poorly paid though 😦 – ed). So he thought himself as the black sheep of his family, this coupled with the success of his siblings and his own lost opportunities really frustrated him. The second time he flipped and was admitted into the asylum again i was called in as his friend, together with his father.
As it turned out, John had grown up in affluence, he’d never known poverty and his father was pretty well off. In the meeting it emanated that the main reason John was frustrated was because he wasn’t doing what he loved. The senior police were actually surprised when they learned of John’s qualifications and it was agreed that they should transfer him to a department where he didn’t really have to interact with people and and also find him something where he’d get the chance to use his academic qualifications.
He was transferred to the department of motor vehicles and he was put in as a supervisor. After that John’s mental health improved and he seemed to love what he was doing. After he started slowly going up the ranks and today John is a senior in the department of motor vehicles for the police and rakes in quite a lot of money, a far cry from his first years in the force. [end of story]
What does John’s story teach us? It teaches us that in life we have opportunities available, but we have to be patient and smart. John, in this story, is an exception in that he ended up in the place that best suited him. Most people rarely get that second chance. So people, we have to be careful in the decisions we make. It is really important that we follow our hearts. Desperation most of the time does not end well. If you jump without thinking you are almost always bound to hurt yourself.
The first half of the story was written almost immediately after the narration by a stranger on a matatu. The second half was finished about 2or 3 months later so there some discrepancies in the narration due to some bits of the story getting forgotten, and it has been greatly shortened, but the moral still stands, you’ve got to learn to wait. The road may be hard and bumpy at first but stick to your guns, follow what you want and eventually you will achieve it.
Keep well mes amies.