It has been quite a couple of weeks for me. Emotionally trying, to say the least. My last entry and a couple of facebook updates may have come out hateful and biased against women but I’ve realized i gotta clear the air.
I love women, they have soft boobies and some of them have working brain cells. Ok, i kid. To say the truth I love and respect women. My mom is a lady and i love her. My sister is also female (like duh) and i love her to bits. Some of the things many of you have to go through is hard enough to comprehend as a guy and i respect their(your) resilience. We live in a patriarchal society and i believe women are short changed and deserve more than they get.
Whenever I see a man batter a woman i get incensed, to say the least, and i believe women batterers deserve hard labor and to be punished to the fullest extent of the law. True, women also beat men, but i think the reason those stories are more prevalent is the sensationalist nature of a guy actually getting beat up by a woman. Which adds on to the admirable strength of a woman, to be able to calmly take all the blows and not say a thing, admirable but in no way ok.
That put to rest, I’ll cover the diatribe evident in my previous post. This time a post written calmly and without bias.
Interpersonal relationships form the pillar of our human society. The human as a species’ quality of life is determined by the value of the relationships between individual units, the people, and also with the environment, but that is beyond the scope of this entry. In within the different social interactions we have romantic relationships.
A romantic relationship is the pillar of a couple. This means when two people decide to be a couple they admit they’re emotionally tied to one another. No relationship can work without at least a lot of liking, and in some love eventually develops. A relationship works like a set of cogs. For it to run smoothly the gears need constant oiling(on a side note: they found oil in Turkana, yaay Kenya, true story!) lest they become rusty. To say the least there is a high level of trust the parties to a relationship attach to one another because of the emotional endearment. To continue with the gears and cogs metaphor, oiling a relationship includes spending time together, sharing how your day went, telling each other sweet nothings etc.
Cheating ruins relationships and destroys trust. It is a generally accepted fact that men are the most likely to cheat in a relationship. There’s a saying that states a man is only as faithful as his options. What does this mean? It means that the more women around that are sexually receptive to him, that’s how faithful a man will be. My girlfriend (ex) used to tell me that cheating does not necessarily involve sleeping with somebody else. It could also mean sharing emotional experiences, which are supposed to be directed at your partner, with somebody else. This is why it becomes difficult to have a best friend of the other gender who is not your partner, since it eventually becomes difficult to distinguish the feelings for your best friend with those for your partner. That’s why it’s easier for single people of different genders to be best friends, but becomes hard when one or both are in pre-existing relationships.
From my personal experience when i got into a relationship i reduced the intensity of friendliness with my female friends. (According to one of my friends, that is wrong. But that is a story for later). Male-male friendships rarely threaten a relationship. Anyway, i reduced the intensity of my interaction with female friends, some understood, others disappeared altogether, but i was doing it to give my girlfriend the peace of mind that I’m unlikely to stray from her no matter the temptation. The hardest thing to give up was my best friend (female) of years and i made my girlfriend my best friend. Things were initially hard especially with my mood swings, since i had untreated bipolar but she stuck through, till i got medicated and I had to give up the elevated emotions for good. Elevated emotions are AWESOME by the way, most people (me included) only seek treatment when the depressions become overwhelming.
Anyway, where was i, yeah cheating. Men cheat, a lot, as I’ve witnessed, but the reasons they do so are covered in that article i wrote last year so no need to repeat. But reason or not, it’s never ok to cheat on your better half, no matter how badly they piss you off. If a relationship is on its death bed you can both agree to start seeing other people, and maybe after some time you can revert to the friendship you had before you decided to get involved.
Anger is never a reason to cheat. I admit i was pissed off at my girl several times, sometimes really super pissed, but if there’s one thing my momma and shrink taught me is to never make a decision when I’m angry. My shrink was categorical, since I’m a writer, i should stop lashing out at people immediately (i used to do that a lot before the meds, therapy and mind tricks started to do their thing), i should type out why I’m angry and what i want to do and when i cooled down enough, read it and see the damage i would have done had i reacted angrily immediately. And it worked, the relationship lasted for more than a year and i didn’t fuck up with my job(my current boss is not as understanding as my last one). Ok, i admit the previous article was done in a fit of anger, but as a rule i never take down something I’ve published.
The thing most women don’t realize is there are a few of us out there, men who would do anything and stand by their women. The reason i don’t hit you isn’t because i don’t have the strength to do so, it’s because i respect women and think there’s something ugly about a submissive woman. The reason i (we) don’t cheat on you is because we choose to give you the security to know there is someone to safeguard your emotions. There are literally tens of women on social networks willing to give it up for nothing! When a man tells you he loves you, and to extend it letting his friends know you’re “The One”, it takes nothing short of guts! So women remember, when a guy does things for you, a lot of things and never complains, it isn’t because he’s a wimp, it’s just that you’re his world.
Anyway, why do women cheat? Women may cheat when they are disgruntled and want nothing to do with the relationship they’re currently in, but don’t have the guts to admit it to their partner. Or maybe they are disgruntled but are so used to the security of tenure in the relationship so that they don’t want to risk it out on their own by calling it quits.
Women also cheat when they suspect or know they’re being cheated on. I don’t have to mention the health risks involved in cheating. So instead of confronting the guy they decide to do it themselves to even out the score. As long as you are in a relationship it doesn’t matter whether the other person is doing it, it’s still cheating. And you’re really a fucked up couple and probably need to have a shrink check out what the fuck is going on in your tiny tiny minds.
Another reason women cheat is if they are emotionally or physically attracted to somebody else. It is understandable to be attracted to somebody who seems better off than your partner. We are attracted to other people all the time, but it’s called “commitment” for a reason. You chose the person you’re with, but if that isn’t enough you always have the option of leaving your partner amicably and you can pursue the higher interests. Something people don’t realize is sometimes heartbreak can be avoided if you resolve your issues in a straight forward manner.
Women also cheat to spite their partner. This is kinda rare, so I’m led to believe. But a characteristic hard to avoid is that the woman tells the partner immediately after the deed to make the partner feel the pain. Like i said before, this is really stupid. After you’ve cheated this way, what next? A more than likely scenario is you regret it, since it was probably done in a fit of anger. As a result you lose out on what would have probably been a lifelong partnership.
A woman may also cheat because she wants to advance in life. Assume for a second, that this couple has financial problems and maybe the woman wants to get up through the stages in life quickly or get a job. I admit, we all know a lot of women who’ve advanced through life by “assuming the position”. So she sets her eyes on somebody who offers her what she wants and goes for it. Even if she does it once, she will forever, in the eyes of her man, be no different than a slut. Only difference is she pretends to have class. Whether it’s worth it in the long run or not is up to debate. But you should realize, the guy you slept with to advance your position now owns you! I’m sure you allude yourself that you’ve attained the independence you wanted, but you are no different than a sex slave. Anytime master wants sex, you have to give it to him else you’ll find yourself back where you started. I guess it’s a no-brainer which one is better, work towards your goal slowly but surely and be in charge of your fate, or skip stages and always live in the perpetual fear “master” will find a younger better looking slave and leave you out on the street on stage 1. But i guess it all depends on our individual definition of “independence”.
Another reason women cheat is, the sex sucks. Ok, i didn’t mention this one on the why men cheat entry, but it applies for both. When the partners aren’t compatible sexually but get really well emotionally, chances are one of you will stray. Most likely the partner that knows they’ve had it better or can have it better. Still, as i will keep insisting you have the option to call it quits and SHOULD always use it.
If you’re going to cheat, please make sure you’re able to handle the consequences which more or less results in the loss of the relationship. Friendship is rarely retrievable in such circumstances. Anyway you had the option of breaking up amicably and you chose not to use it.
I believe I’ve absolved myself of the bias that may have seemed to be directed at womenfolk in general. Ladies, believe me. the only reason most people do a 9-5 is to have enough to please you and make you happy. Whether the ulterior motive is to have sex with as many women as possible, or to be able to have enough to please their partners, or attract a new partner, the world runs because of women. And i appreciate that. Now i’ll finish with a quote from Quagmire on family guy(surprising it’s him huh?):
A woman is a strong beautiful vibrant creature; a woman embraces life; a woman makes choices to make her life better
And with that i go back to my secluded little world of binary poetry.
Keep well my friends